The Mush God

I’ve heard this composition quoted a number of times, and I finally found a full copy on it online in several places. In order to have it on-hand at need, I post a full copy of it here.

The Mush God
by Nicholas van Hoffman

The Mush God has been known to appear all over the world on Sunday mornings to a great many people wanting to relax and read the Sunday paper and have a nice hot cup of coffee. He is always there to soothe you and put your mind at rest. Always ready to tell you that you deserve the rest today because you have worked so hard during the week. He is also eager to tell you about that really important game on TV, or to remind you about all the things that you need to do around the house this Sunday morning.

During the week the Mush God appears all over the place. He appears with politicians at ribbon-cutting ceremonies, and to clergymen speaking at the start of all the various government legislative proceedings. In fact the Mush God is the god that politicians always seem to turn to. The Mush God just adores politicians.

The Mush God is also the father of the innocuous and harmless prayer. Most people just love to hear the Mush God speak. You could easily get him to give an opening prayer at the start of a hooker’s convention, and he would gladly promise that no one at all would be offended. The Mush God is very proud that his beliefs and doctrines are completely non-irritating and non-offensive.

This Mush God loves to interact with other people and he especially loves to show up whenever spiritual questions are being debated. He just loves to talk about his views on tolerance.

The Mush God has no theology to speak of. His is a pure Cream of Wheat type of divinity. Here is finally a God that doesn’t believe in strictness and rigidity. His laws seem to be made out of rubber because they bend so much. You can take any of his laws and mold them in a much more, “useful” manner. People just love this Mush God because he is so very easy to get along with. What a convenient god. Oh thank heavens for the Mush God.

The Mush God has no particular credo, no tenets of faith, nothing that would make it difficult for either the believer or the nonbeliever alike to lower their heads when he speaks. In fact the Mush God is not a jealous god at all, and will gladly share the platform with any other gods that anyone might have.

Call him the god of the Rotary, or the god of the optimists. This god is the protector of the Buddy System. The Mush God is the Lord of secular ritual.

The Mush God is a serviceable god who will fit in anywhere. His laws are chiseled not on tablets of stone, but they are written on sand which allows his laws to be open to amendment, qualification, change, and erasure. His laws can easily blend in with the beliefs of anyone.

Here is a God that will compromise with you. He will gladly relax the rules. He will make allowances and declare all wars, of any type, to be holy wars. Here is a god that is all too happy to look the other way.

Here is a god who is a good friend to everyone, in fact the Mush God tells all his friends that they can do no wrong, that all activities are fine with him. And most people just love him for that and are all too happy to follow him, wherever he might lead them.